Relationships and Sex
Some Sweet As information and resources on the subjects of Relationships and Sex.
Relationships can be successful, and sex is an important aspect of many relationships. It’s perfectly okay to talk about these topics. Support is available, and there are various resources to help you navigate these areas.
Your doctor and their team are available to provide support. Additionally, there are other professionals who specialise in relationships and sexual health who can offer guidance. It’s important to acknowledge that these topics can be personal and challenging to discuss.
There are a myriad of books, blogs, and articles that you can read to learn more about relationships and sex, but it is best to have some guidance of where to look. Courses are also available if you prefer a more structured approach. Therapy is another option, either on its own or in combination with other resources.
The key is to seek support when you feel you need it, as it can make a significant difference in your relationship and sexual well-being.
Relationships:
Tools for success
Fact. Most of us are not issued with a good set of tools for relationship success. Your best course is to commit to seek information, take action and persevere to learn and grow. It can be done, and success is absolutely possible to achieve, but you need some tools (and some support and encouragement).
Three most essential characteristics for relationship success
Embracing Differences: Understand that differences are natural and are part of growth in a good relationship. Viewing differences as opportunities to learn more about yourself and your partner leads to personal and relationship growth. It’s not necessary to agree on everything or share all the same interests. What truly matters is how you communicate and navigate these differences together.
Enhanced Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation: Increasing your self-awareness and ability to regulate your emotions during conflicts, is vital. Being able to understand your feelings and reactions and express them constructively can help prevent conflicts from escalating and strengthen the connection between you and your partner.
Taking Responsibility: Taking responsibility for your role in dealing with differences is crucial for a healthy relationship. This involves being accountable for understanding how your past informs your present behaviour, acknowledging your role in disagreements, and actively working towards increased self-awareness and empathy for the impact of your behaviour on your partner .
Key concepts that play a role in who we are in relationships
We are heavily influenced by our environment and the media, which shape our expectations of what perfect relationships should be like. When we encounter differences and difficulties, it’s normal to feel powerless and confused. What defines a successful relationship for some may not align with your own experience. Ultimately, you and your partner determine the course of your relationship.
Humans are inherently wired for connection, starting from a very young age. However, our methods of connecting and asking for our needs to be met may not always be helpful. Our adult relationships may be the first space in which we can be safe to learn how to behave in a way so we actually make it easier for both of us to get our needs met.
Our brains undergo a lengthy development process compared to other species, and our past experiences significantly influence our present behaviour. Much of our behaviour is not conscious but rather automatic or reactive. While we may sometimes understand the reasons behind our actions, at other times, different factors may take control.
Long-term relationships are significant in our lives, but they can also be the most challenging. Sustaining a healthy relationship requires effort, and both partners must be committed to doing some exploration into new behaviour.
Our nervous system is shaped during our early years, influencing our perceptions and behaviors in adult relationships, sometimes in ways that are not helpful.
Investing in long-term relationships is worthwhile, as data has shown that we do better overall when we are in long-term relationships. However, we cannot change our partners’ behaviour. Instead, focusing on personal growth and taking responsibility for oneself can lay a solid foundation for understanding yourself, helping your partner understand you, and nurturing the relationship!
Approaching your relationship with curiosity rather than judgment and listening instead of correcting can deepen understanding and compassion, thereby enhancing the relationship.
Change is inevitable, and what you and your partner want and need will evolve over time. Successful relationships embrace change and growth.
Working towards a successful relationship involves caring for both you and your partner’s physical and emotional health so you can show up as the partner you aspire to be. You are individuals developing yourselves and working together as a team towards attaining the relationship you deserve to have. This requires attention, understanding, and effort to thrive.
Sex:
Fact. Good sex cannot save a relationship but bad sex can destroy a good relationship.
Sexual difficulties need to be addressed. Talk to your healthcare provider about it so they can give you some advice and point you in the right direction.
Why sex is good for you and your relationship
Positive functions of sex in a long-term relationship include experiencing shared pleasure, which contributes to reinforcing and deepening intimacy between partners. Additionally, engaging in sexual activity can help reduce tension and stress, energizing the bond between partners. It also plays a role in fostering feelings of desirability and can provide a source of physical and emotional energy.
Key concepts of sex in a relationship
In a relationship, the concepts surrounding sex are multifaceted, requiring both partners to assume individual and collective responsibility. It’s crucial to prioritise comfort and pleasure, ensuring that both partners feel at ease and enjoy the experience. This focus helps reduce performance anxiety, allowing for a more fulfilling and relaxed sexual encounter.
Choosing a sexual style that reinforces desire is also essential. This means finding a balance between intimacy, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction that resonates with both partners. It’s important to recognise that both men and women value a range of experiences, including affectionate gestures, sensual interactions, playful moments, erotic encounters, and intercourse itself.
If factors such as a medical condition, medication, or life stage are affecting your ability to enjoy sex, it’s important to explore alternative approaches to improve your sexual experiences. Seeking help and advice from healthcare providers or specialists can offer valuable insights and strategies to address these challenges and enhance sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner. It’s crucial not to hesitate in seeking support and having open conversations about these issues.
Resources:
books:
Make Love Work (by Nic Beets)
Eight Dates (by John and Julie Gottmann)
available in good book stores or online
Other resources and links for services/ referrals: